sarahfish: (windowsill)
The past month has been nuts.

First of all, I got the flu shortly after my last post. I think. I don't know -- once time enters the "more than a couple weeks ago" realm, I sort of lose track of events. So the flu itself was meh, but it just makes you so damn tired for weeks afterwards. I think last week was my first full week back at CrossFit, where I could actually do the workout instead of just exhausting myself by the end of the strength piece.

I presented in journal club (one of two this semester, I think) while still recovering. I had requested to present a virus- or biochemistry-related paper (protein structures!! <3), but the people running the journal club said no. :( So they gave me a paper to present, and it was on nothing I had any idea about, and it was just a thoroughly confusing and frustrating experience. Since it was the first paper, the instructors wanted to make the discussion an example, so they kept asking very difficult questions throughout the period, and I just felt like an idiot the entire time. I guess that's what most journal clubs are like anyway. I should be thankful that mine is (most of the time) not that bad.

Speaking of feeling like an idiot, my therapist told me to try going to a self-compassion group that's run by the counseling/psych services. I'm very hard on myself pretty much all the time, and it's not healthy or helpful. So I went last week, and it was okay. I think I need to try again this week to get a better feel for it.

I also signed up for a "how to teach" club, because really I have no idea and teaching scares the shit out of me.

Otherwise, I have been SOLELY FOCUSED on this comprehensive exam summary. It's taken me two weeks to completely revise my topic and come up with more-specific experiments. I'm worried it still won't be accepted. If it isn't, I don't know what to do. I love the topic (tri-trophic interactions!), but with 1-2 months for every iteration, I just want to get this thing DONE. Sometimes I wish they still used the old format for comps (or quals or prelims or whatever), where you just have 2-3 days of ALL THE EXAMS but then you're done and you don't have to think about it anymore. None of this "oh, spend a few months writing a summary; spend a few months writing a mock-grant, with vague expectations; spend a few months studying and making a presentation that nobody is going to listen to anyway; spend a few hours in your actual oral exam." It's just weird and drags on forever.

Anyway. I feel like I'm almost ready to turn in this version, but I'm worried that it still won't be specific enough, or my experiments won't be laid out enough (I have 2 pages to introduce the system, explain the question, describe the significance of the question, state 3-ish goals that can be completed in 3 years, and describe how I will go about answering them, complete with figures and references). It's supposed to be a summary, but it doesn't feel very summary-like. I guess that will make the actual writing that much easier though, right? :P

Grants are ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure my brain is wrapped in saran wrap. That's what it feels like, anyway.

... God, I hope this topic is accepted. I hope so much.

So on top of all that, my laptop screen started to die. It got a streak of dead/dying/stuck pixels down one side, and I had to send it to Dell to get repaired. It will either be $200 or $400. I probably could have just bought a new computer, but it's only a year old (and the warranty had just expired... go figure). So discouraging! It's in transit now, but I will probably not be getting it back for a couple weeks. I'm using my old (7 years now!) MacBook. I'm so glad it still works, but for the first few days trying to get used to it again I just felt sort of lost. :x Weird how computers make such a difference.

I'll be glad when a lot of this is over. I want to be in a better place.
sarahfish: (Default)
Little things, because they are easier in list format:

1) Classes started again. Tucson roads are now packed with students. Campus is packed with students. I pretty much hate everyone every time I step outside the lab.

2) For some reason, I am very nervous about classes. I think because I only have one, I keep thinking I'm going to forget about it or something. Also, it's heavier on chemistry this time. I am really, really bad at chemistry. I'd much rather learn about ecology than chemistry. Did I go into the wrong lab??

3) Wedding is a month away. Starting to kind of panic.

4) One week of Whole30 left. Really wanted a bagel yesterday. At least sugar cravings are way, way down.

5) Cassandra Clare is a horrible writer. I finished "City of Bones" yesterday and was SO UPSET about it. I went to pick up Kai at the CSA and may or may not have road raged while driving because I was just so angry about that stupid book. I am almost as upset as when I read "The Beginning Place." Almost. Not quite. That book will probably always earn a special kind of hatred from me.

6) I feel stuck at CrossFit, which is making me feel a little burnt out on it, which is then not helping with the getting un-stuck.

7) I would really like a new mutant to play with. It has been too long since I've gotten one, and not for lack of trying.

8) Written comp exam is soon. I should really be reading more papers.

I think that about covers everything.
sarahfish: (journey)
You may already know this by now, but I am really terrible at several things: making decisions and prioritizing are probably at the top of that list. Having to take classes while working in the lab makes this even more difficult, since things that I normally wouldn't think of as important suddenly have concrete deadlines and point values, whereas lab work is more flexible and takes much longer before anything amounts to anything. And while lab work is supposed to be the most important thing during grad school, classes are still important too, because if you don't do well in those, then your funding gets cut off and that sort of makes the lab work hard to do.

So besides classes, there are also things I would like to do in lab that aren't really "lab work" because they aren't part of the "main project(s)." And then there are things I would like to do not in lab, because if all my time is dedicated to lab and/or classes, then at some point I will probably break down and lock myself in my bedroom and not come out again for several months.

I am going to make a list of things because it helps me. I don't know if it will help this time, but at least it will be good to have it down in writing (and not on a piece of paper that will join the other hundreds of pieces of paper that just get lost in a day or two).

Things for classes:
Paper to read and summary to write for Microbial Genetics. I have no idea what this is even about yet. Due Monday.
Papers to read and presentation to make about molecular and microbial coevolution. Presentation is April 16th.
Poster to assemble for Microbial Genetics. Poster session is April 11-12.

Things for lab (PI-sanctioned):
Main project is stalled. Need to clean up cell lines and get better viral stocks.
Secondary project is full of shit. Close to giving up, because the mutants are almost impossible to work with.
Tertiary project is still in gestational period. Have mutants, do not have protocols.

Things for lab (not-PI-sanctioned):
Data management is a wreck. No, not even a wreck; it just doesn't even exist. Need to fix this. Not sure if lists/spreadsheets are sufficient or if databases would be better.
Data mining, once data is managed, might be insightful. We have hundreds of mutants, but so far very little insight into the broader patterns of those mutants.
Stocks, cloning schemes, protocols, and solution recipes are in various states of disarray. Would be nice to clean these up and put them all in one area.

Things for not-school:
Behind on my books-for-the-year-count. I blame George R.R. Martin and "A Feast for Crows" -- Cersei is so damn tedious. I think I need to read 1-2 more books in the next couple of weeks to catch up.
Fell out of the habit of running. Need to start doing that again, especially before it gets to be the super-hot of the summer. Bleh.
Have been planning wedding in bursts but fall behind frequently. I don't even know where I am with a lot of things anymore. Which reminds me, need to buy tickets to MN in June...
Have also been meaning to make a blog post for, oh, a month now? It's been sitting at about halfway done for several weeks. I should probably actually finish that.

I think there's more, but I don't remember for sure. Why so many things?? I don't even know where to start.
sarahfish: (Default)
Ok so since people are still apparently watching this journal I should probably provide, like, an actual update or something >>


So I'm in Seattle. It's a lot nicer than Florida in many, many ways... The coffee is good, the food is good (not much Mexican, but the taco bus will suffice), the weather is good (so much snow this winter though XD and people are noob drivers), and the scenery is good (something besides palm trees? nowai).

I'm closer to the other half of my family, which is nice because Mom can come up here for about $160 on very short notice and stay for the weekend (which she's done once so far).

The only thing that's kind of lame is that I can't find a job (going on what, 4 months now?), and that I didn't get accepted into grad school. So I'm feeling very, uh, validated right now. Yeah... right. And the temp agencies I'm signed up with seem to think that I only want to do QA work, which is stupid, because then I go for an interview and I have almost no experience compared to the other people or I'm totally not what they're looking for and then.. back to square one.

So I'll be honest, my career outlook is seeming a little bit... bleak. And I am discouraged.


I need a new layout, but I am lazy and suck at layouts.


I've been playing a lot of WoW (probably more than is healthy) to distract myself. It's ok. So if you play and happen to be on Tho Bro, lemme know :P


That is all for now.
sarahfish: (omg crack yay)
University of Wisconsin -- submitted
University of California -- submitted
University of Washington -- 80% submitted
Univeristy of North Carolina -- not started D:
University of Vermont -- >> I don't fail, really


I do good werk :D
Now time to find antibodies :3
(...for EATING lol jk)
sarahfish: (Default)
I fail at livejournal D: Just thought you should know.

Myrandah will be 70 in two days' time. And she'll have wings. Also I am so addicted ;_;

Applications are coming along slowly but steady.

Work is work. (Corporate Cat has no time 4 ur shenannighenz)

I love you all!
sarahfish: (journey)
Wow, so apparently I haven't updated in 3 weeks? This is what livejournal nudge tells me. To be honest, I haven't really been checking my friends page either... I don't really know why. I think I'm falling out of touch with a lot of people :x

At the same time, things seem to be progressing much like they have been the past few months. There's work and people and Zoot and WoW. Still looking at grad schools. Still feeling like a bum sometimes.

Things are ok. Good in some areas and mediocre in others. I guess nothing is really bad.

It's fall break for NCF, so Ana is in Ireland and Kai is in New York. Cameron arrived today, so Robear finally has his boy toy :D

My birthday is coming up, and I am kind of unprepared for it >>

Let me know if anything has been going on with you. I'm sorry for being so hard to get in contact with :|
sarahfish: (shit!)
Oh my god, I'm such an asshole.

I slept in again. Second time this week.

This has to stop.

Oh god, what do I do? T_T
sarahfish: (omg crack yay)
I have today off! I bargained >> I went into work last night because two people didn't show up, but I went with the condition that I have tonight off.


Level 45, here I come!
sarahfish: (shit!)
i think i have an ear infection :(

writing this while laing on my side w a hot salt sock

previously tried warm olive oil/garlic

will probably be oozing gar;ic oil for a day now, omfg




do not approve
sarahfish: (Default)
I made the mistake of going to Petsmart yesterday to check their clearance bin for $1 bird toys. However, I also ended up looking at the birds >>

There was one little grey cockatiel with no tail feathers clinging to the back grate, chirping at the parakeets. All the other cockatiels were ignoring him and ran away whenever he came by to join in the preening.

He wanted friends!

He took a brief nap on the bars of the grating too >> I would be his friend! I like friends too! Zoot would maybe not be his friend, but that's because Zoot is angry. Actually, I think he'd like a friend too, but ... we'll see.


In other news, I have still not registered for the MCAT.

In other other news, graduation is tomorrow. My mom/aunt/grandpa come in tonight. w00t! However, I still have not finished cleaning the house, nor have I emptied my carrel. This will all happen shortly >> Or at least within the next 8 hours.
sarahfish: (omg crack yay)
I want one!

T_T


It's never too early to get a head-start on my crazy-old-bird-lady lifestyle, eh? Eh?

... except for the fact that there's no way in hell I could afford one of those at this point in my life o.o But omfg, they're so beautiful, and they sound like such awesome bird-things.

They would also probably eat Zoot alive >> Except he is very, very angry and could maybe hold his own.


Okay anyway. This is homework, really.
sarahfish: (shit!)
The answer is still no. I am just that awesome.
sarahfish: (Default)
I have one thing to say.


And so does the MOCKINGBIRD OF DISAPPROVAL.


That is all.
sarahfish: (Default)
WoW party tonight.

Just getting to bed now.

Except I'm really not that tired :|
sarahfish: (omg crack yay)
Okokok.

Physics homework due today has not been started.
I'm supposed to practice my bacc presentation with Dr. Clore this afternoon. I haven't run through it on my own yet.
I want to get my Physics lab report in on Monday.

But all I want to do is chill and play WoW. I can't concentrate. I'm still too excited.

omgomgomg!
sarahfish: (Default)
My Chemical Romance concert was last night! OH EM EFF JEEZ.

It was so exciting! There was so much energy and shouting and loud music, and it was wonderful, and I want to be in the pit next time, and I bought a tour shirt, and I just felt so alive o.o

Wonderful stress relief, lemme tell you.

My appreciation of MCR has been renewed and magnified.

And they are so good live! Gerard wins at life and at crowd interaction.

Muse is also a good band. Must look into them later >>
sarahfish: (shit!)
I will save you all the trouble of reading a bunch of words which will basically just say:

bitch whine bitch sleepy tired annoyed thesis bitch whine bitch



After I go home this afternoon, I think I'm just going to take the evening off and indulge in a nice, long session of WoW. Then I will probably go to Rocky Horror. Then I will cuddle my lady and sleep until like 10 in the morning.

Sounds good to me.

I'm not sure what to do about work the next two weekends. I could use the money, but I would also like to conserve my sanity (and working does not help in keeping stress levels down, especially since I'll be working fudge). I feel like I've been taking a lot of days off lately, but.. I dunno. At least Kilwin's is good about giving people time off because of school, since they mostly employ students anyway.

Yes >>
sarahfish: (journey)
Back from San Diego.

Got in on a red-eye flight this morning.

Maybe a more detailed update later.


I'm tired but not sleepy. I think maybe some WoW is in order.
sarahfish: (Default)
Super quick post because I'm sleepy and about to lose an hour of my life (not really, but it will feel like it) because daylight savings is totally dumb.

Congratulations, Meredith! Your wedding was totally awesome, and everything was so beautiful!

Happy birthday, Tracy! I hope you enjoy everything that is terrible and know that you are loved!


kthx nite :)

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